I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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