stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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