I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
