i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
