Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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