my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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