oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
