and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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