I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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