Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
