sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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