what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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