We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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