She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
