If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
