Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
