Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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