I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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