I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
