it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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Randomize
