He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
