Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
