I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
