STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
