there's paper in my vomit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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