my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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