no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
