Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
