what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
