i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
