So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
