haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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