at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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