you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
