I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
