You're so nebulous sometimes
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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