it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
