It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
