"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
