It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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