My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
