I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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