sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
