i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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