it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
