OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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