you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All the doctor said was why
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
