Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
