So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
