New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
