her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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