We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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