True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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