If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
