is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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