if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
